Army of Shadows in 5 Sentences

Note: This is about the film, not the French Resistance.

A quiet-mannered man in his mid 40s--who in fact happens to be the chief of the French resistance--is taken to a German prison camp and eventually escapes.

He goes back to his resistance's headquarters and executes one of his own men (a traitor, of course).

He, along with his other resistance members, continue to frolic about recruiting other people, get help from the British, and live in fear--all through long, painful extended shots exhibiting mundane and everyday behavior, most notably long, drawn-out sequences of walking or performances of ordinary tasks such as putting on a coat in the slowest way possible.

Eventually, they get captured several times, escape several more times, and then kill their own members several more times.

By the end of the film, they accomplished nothing, got arrested a lot, endangered the lives of everyone around them, killed their own members, and then all died shortly after.

THE END

Solaris in 5 Sentences

So this psychiatrist is asked to go to this space station (to help out and save the day!) where the crew's loved ones are appearing as copies in the crew's sleep.

So the psychiatrist gets there and he asks the crew members what is going on, but then they are like, I dunno.

So then the psychiatrist (who is now called George Clooney) goes to sleep and his dead wife comes back to life as a copy.

First, he kills her by ejecting her into space, but then she comes back again and he wants to keep her this time.

The rest of the crew say lets kill all the copies we made and leave, but George Clooney is like, "no" so he stays behind and dies.

THE END.

The Kingdom in 5 sentences

Some terrorists kill people in Saudi Arabia and merrily have a kid record it on a cam-recorder (after a 5 minute history lesson intro).

For thirty minutes, Jamie Foxx and his friends talk about why they should but cant go to Saudi Arabia.

Jamie Foxx and his friends go to Saudi Arabia and sit in a Gym while talking about solving crimes and catching terrorists.

Jamie Foxx and his friends exit the Gym and go around in black SUVs trying to enact an episode of CSI.

After one hour and thirty minutes of barely anything happening, there's a 30 minute action scene that contains all of the trailer footage for the movie.

THE END.

300 in 5 sentences

300

In Sparta, there are some spartans who live happily and peacefully (while violently and brutally training to become barbaric and unparalled warriors).

In the rest of the world, the Persian army is coming to kill everyone.

The Spartan king takes 300 dudes to a small crevice to fight 1,000,000 enemy soldiers.

The Spartans do pretty good, but they die, while giving enough time for the rest of Greece to fight back later.

This is Sparta.

THE END

L.A. Confidential (In Five Sentences)

L.A. Confidential

There are some cops who live in Los Angeles.

Lots of people get shot and killed.

The cops find out who did some of it, or they don't find out who did all of it.

Some more people get shot and killed.

The cops find out that the first people who got shot and killed were really killed for another reason by another person that requires 15 minutes of thinking to fully comprehened; the bad guys die.

THE END