Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Top 10 Things to have in a FPS

# 1 - Bullet Time
Almost every single new FPS has some kind of bullet time feature where time slows down and you can shoot ten enemies at once. It increases the game's awesome factor by a power of 2.
Awesomeness of a game = [(Features + Bullet time)²] * [Graphics]

# 2 - HDR Lighting
This is a new fad. It's like back when 3D was invented, and if you had a 2D game, that meant it was ugly, even though the 2D graphics looked 5x better. You just have to have this in your game today.
Graphical Score = [(Textures + Rendering) * Animation] + (HDR Lighting)³

# 3 - Vehicles
If you can drive around or fly around in a game, then the game is cooler... for some reason.
Fun level of a game = (Weapons / Artificial Intelligence) + [(Puzzles)*(Combat)] + (Vehicles/Combat)

# 4 - The Weapon List
The weapon list for every FPS goes something like this:
Melee Weapon: Could be a wrench, crowbar, knife, sword, etc.
The Pistol : Any normal pistol will suffice. You just have to have one.
The Assault Rifle: This will be the all purpose gun for most of the game.
The Shotgun : If you don't have a shotgun in your FPS game, then it will probably be bad.
The Machine Gun: Sometimes it's in there, sometimes it's not.
The Rocket-Launcher: Most games have this, but sometimes it's out of context, so it's scrapped.

Weapon's Score = [(# of Weapons in game)*(How good the weapons are) / Length of Game] + Special Weapon

# 5 - The Special Factor
Sometimes an FPS comes out of nowhere claiming it's better than all the rest because of
X= Gravity Gun.
X= Vehicles.
X= Pretty graphics.
X= Innovative weapons.
X= That one feature in Prey where you can become an eagle and walk out of your body... or something.
[(Special Factor) / (How bad the rest of the game is)] = (How good the special factor is).

# 6 - Jumping Puzzles
Jumping puzzles have slowly diminished over the past years. I can see why too.
Call of Duty would've been twice as good if they included a jumping puzzle in Stalingrad to get up onto the top floor of the apartment. You would have to jump with your partner through a series of broken rooms until getting to the top where you could finally snipe the enemy. If you fell once, you would die. Also, the enemy would be shooting at you through the open windows on the side while you continue to jump on groups of furniture, crates, and broken walls.
Jumping Puzzles = (Fun) / (Frustration)²

# 7 - Crates
It is impossible to have a First Person Shooter without crates. A FPS without out crates is like defying the laws of gravity. How else would you fill up empty rooms? Where else would you hide obscure packs of ammo and health? And what else could you use for your jumping puzzles?
# of Crates in a game = [(# of Urban Areas in Game) * (Length of Game)] * [How many ammo packs you need to stash]

# 8 - Keycards
There will always be locked doors in FPSs. Something has to open those doors. And that something has to be hidden at the end of an unnavigable maze that has dozens of baddies guarding it. Fun.

Somehow this is dying out with jumping puzzles.

# of Keycards in a game = [How bad a game is] * [How many locations in the game]

# 9 - Two Different Enemies

It's not fun enough to attack your enemy. It's twice as much fun to have two different enemies, so then you have a 3-way hate triangle. Then, you can watch your two enemies shoot each other over and over from a distance instead of playing the game. It's so much more fun.

if (combat == repetitive) {
then: enemy[zombies].EnterScenario=true;

# 10 - Bad Voice Acting + Dialogue

It's a new fad. Take corny dialogue, and then have it read and acted out terribly.

if ((story == Subpar) && (Production_Values == low)) {

then: Bad_Dialogue.Enabled=true;


if (Bad_Dialogue.Enabled == true) {

then: (80%) BadVoiceActing.Enabled=true;


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